The situation is such that I can make the following offers.
For $150 dollars, I will fly to any city with an airport and perform one of the following feats:
1) Public or private poetry reading and/or performance art
2) Deliver any item or personal message to a specific person
3) Cook you a delicious vegetarian meal (you would have to allow me use of your kitchen)
4) Beat hard levels for you in most video games
5) Give a beginner their first guitar lesson
6) Attempt to fix your computer, or at least tell you what’s wrong with it (if it has windows– sorry, that’s the only os I know well enough to guarantee results)
7) Hold your hand very sweetly, and tell you that you are special, and beautiful, and though I must leave, I’ll remember you forever
8) Aggressively insult someone you don’t like, or, depending on the person, give them a good slap in the face
9) Go out dancing with you to the venue of your choice
For $200, I can perform the following, again, in the city of your choosing.
1) Give a really awesome poetry reading/performance art piece
2) Juggle flaming torches in a private or public setting
3) Any two from the previous list, possibly at the same time
4) Clean your house
For $250, the premium offers are:
1) Ride a bike while juggling flaming torches
2) Any three from the first list, or one each from the first and second
3) Vandalize corporate property
4) Pretend to enjoy watching Home and Garden Television
If you have any other suggestions or requests, I may be able to entertain them. This can be done at almost any time before November of this year.
I am also willing to document these activities, although I don’t have a very good camera. If you wanted high quality images, or decent video, you’d have to supply the equipment. This is not a joke, or, if it is a joke, that doesn’t change the fact that I will actually do these things. if you’re seriously interested, email me so that we can work out the details of the performance. Note that these are flat prices. I will cover all travel and performance costs. Thanks for reading. I hope to hear from you.
Hi! I just wanted to let you know that I read just about everything on your blog and I think we have a lot in common. M. Steven Roggenbuck pointed me in yr direction. I am also a pseudo-Marxist game studies dude who values the kind of insight that only playing the shit out of a game really produces. We should discuss this. You have my email now so write me back; I think we could talk about a lot of things.